Letting Go of Understanding

For most of my life, I have lived as if understanding a circumstance or situation would give me peace. If I could just know "why" something happened or what God was doing in the situation and how He planned to "right" the wrong, the answer would be enough to heal a hurt, provide peace or give me some evidence for how and why I can "trust" God. I am learning first-hand that my need to understand has mostly caused me bitterness, deeper wounding and most definitely, a deep distrust of God's character and His heart towards me. In short, my need to understand has stolen so much from me that I can hardly believe it.

I think I must have read this scripture at least a dozen times, but I didn't really experience the wisdom of the instruction until this last season of my walk with Him.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight

Notice how it says FIRST Trust in the Lord with all your heart. It then says AND lean not on your own understanding. The rest of the scripture is fantastic. It actually tells you what the next step in "acting" in trust is: in all your ways submit to Him. And then, there is the promise: and He will make straight your paths.

How often do you find yourself, in a moment of crisis or a crossroads in your walk saying: "OK Lord, what do you want me to DO?" Well, there it is: trust in the Lord with all your heart. And then we say: "OK Lord, HOW do I trust you?" And there it is again: in all your ways submit to Him and He will make straight your paths. He will take care of it (which re-inforces the trust in Him). Exquisite!

My friend recently went to the Advanced Captivating retreat held by Ransomed Heart in Colorado and she shared something really profound that the leadership team taught at the event. They said, essentially, that you can either have God or you can have understanding. If you choose to have God, you will get God (which is what we really our deepest desire and need). His Love and the fruits of the Spirit -- that is, love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:21-23)). What they said is that if you choose God, you will get all of these things and maybe you will even get understanding (which, let's be honest, isn't going to provide much after you have been filled with all of these other things!).

But if you choose understanding (must have it, will not give up until you get it), you will get neither understanding OR God. I know the severe cost of going for understanding and I can tell you, this one is a no-brainer.

Peace and joy to you all.

On Being A Little Dude

This is my heart and soul...he is such a little dude, isn't he? Actually, he is a "Warrior and one who resembles God" - our Marek Michael.

Mom resemblance: big Finnish cheeks, quick to laugh and smile, loving, ambitious, funny - also, impatient and fiesty, at times.

Dad resemblance: handsome, big blue eyes, good with the ladies, passionate, strong, determined, content.

Lord, just give us the wisdom to raise him to follow his own good heart - and yours.

Regenerating Jen

One of my many means of regenerating who I am...to read each of these is to know what stirs my soul. Thank you, Jesus, for these little love notes, reminding me who you've called me to be and inviting me to be that, in every moment. I look forward to finding many, many more of these precious gems -- in unexpected and romantic places.

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The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true, I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here- I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

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But, If Not...
-Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"If you have never found something so dear and so precious to you that you will die for it, then you aren't fit to live. You may be 38 years old, as I happen to be. And one day, some great opportunity stands before you and calls upon you to stand up for some great principle, some great issue, some great cause. And you refuse to do it because you are afraid. You refuse to do it because you want to live longer. You're afraid that you will lose your job, or you're afraid that you will be criticized or that you will lose your popularity, or you're afraid that somebody will stab you, or shoot at you or bomb your house; so you refuse to take the stand.

Well you may go on and live until you are 90, but you're just as dead at 38 as you would be at 90. And the cessation of breathing in your life is but the belated announcement of an earlier death of the spirit. You died when you refused to stand up for right. You died when you refused to stand up for truth. You refused to stand up for justice.

Don't ever think that you're by yourself. Go on to jail if necessary but you never go alone. Take a stand for that which is right. And the world may misunderstand you, and criticize you. But you never go alone, for somewhere I read that one with God is a majority."

{From the sermon "But, If Not"delivered at Ebenezer Baptist Church November 5, 1967. He was assassinated five months later on April 4, 1968.)

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Our Greatest Fear
-Marriane Williamson (from her book "A Return to Love")

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Isaiah 61:1-3

This is my life verse...God truly is an artist, a lover, a friend - He is beautiful. He wrote this for me, to me and about me...and for YOU - to be set free, to be released from darkness. To be restored, made whole. To be given permission, to be ordained, to be yourself. What could be better?

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor...

...to comfort all who mourn,
...to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.